This happens to me since I have memory. I remember, and I think it could look clumsy, but that's what it was, then I remember when I was a little boy, aged 6 or less, in the moments I was feeling melancholic I went up to the rooftop and sang, I don't know why really, but I remember myself crying and singing, sobbing and licking that water coming from my eyes and nose. I feel weird and nervous each time I evoke those moments. Vulnerable.
All those times and all my life a recurrent sad thought: "nobody loves me". I do not have idea where that phrase comes from, because I am lucky to be able to say I was born and lived in a loving family. Perhaps it's the fear to loose that love. Maybe not.
And still now I am happily in love and my wonderful wife is the best since food was invented ;-)
yet this feeling is too deep inside me, like it was part of myself. Nothing changes that. Even so, and maybe caused by this circumstance, my unbreakable optimism encourages me to keep fighting and sailing on this deep ocean of sorrow with my white boat, still curious to find what's next.
